Food phobias in children certainly do not develop overnight.They build gradually—quietly. At first, it might look like typical fussy eating. Your child refuses certain textures or sticks to a short list of preferred items. They may be somewhat reactive pushing food away, arguing with you or even having a meltdown at mealtimes.
Your GP tells you that’s typical you should just wait and see. But over time, you notice more avoidance, more dropping of foods your child used to eat. Avoidance becomes more deeply ingrained—until food feels threatening, and eating becomes a source of distress for all in the family rather than connection. Even your child notices they don’t eat like everyone else in the family.
Children with food phobias begin to notice they eat differently
Children with food phobias are very observant. It doesn’t take long for them to realise that others eat in ways they cannot. At birthday parties, school events, or family meals, they start to feel out of place. That moment of self-awareness becomes a turning point. They begin to form a story about themselves:
- “I can’t eat that.”
- “I don’t eat like everybody else.”
- “What if there is nothing I can eat?”
That story becomes internalised. Children start to believe they are defined by what they don’t eat or can’t do around food, they build a negative eating identity. What starts as a coping strategy becomes part of how they see themselves. According to Ellis et al. (2018), children with Avoidant/Restrictive Food Intake Disorder (ARFID) often develop food-related identities early, shaped by ongoing food challenges and negative feeding experiences. What starts as a coping strategy becomes part of how they see themselves.
Avoidance builds on itself
Many of the children I work with develop mental lists of foods they ‘can’ eat, and just as many they avoid. But it’s not just about food. It’s about the environment, too. Children start to avoid eating in front of others, attending events with unfamiliar meals, or trying something even slightly different.
These behaviours are reinforced by relief. Each time they avoid discomfort, it feels better. But as Liberman et al. (2021) note, repeated avoidance not only maintains anxiety, it contributes to rigid food rules and can entrench selective eating patterns.
When parents accommodate, the cycle continues
Parents respond in the most natural way possible: by helping their child feel safe. That might mean cooking separate meals, packing identical lunches every day, or not offering certain foods at all. It might mean avoiding restaurants or skipping family barbecues.
These adjustments reduce distress in the short term, but over time, they can reinforce the belief that the child cannot handle change or challenge. The world becomes smaller, and both the child and the parent begin to lose confidence.
This is supported by Thomas & Eddy (2019), who describe how family accommodation, while well-intentioned, often maintains avoidant feeding patterns and contributes to the persistence of ARFID symptoms. Dr Leibovitz has developed a program to help parents remove accommodations here.
The body keeps score: anxiety and distress grow
What we often don’t see is how the child’s nervous system is reacting. Fight, flight, or freeze responses can show up at mealtimes: crying, hiding, shutting down, or melting down can be obvious enough, but what if they are just entertaining you (fight) or distracting themselves (flight). Their body is doing everything it can to protect them from a perceived threat—even if that threat is a spoonful of yoghurt or the smell of cooked vegetables.
It’s not about willpower. It’s not about being ‘spoilt.’ It’s about survival.
This is why I do what I do
I work to prevent food phobias and negative eating-based identities from taking hold. My approach centres on Responsive Feeding. That means creating an environment where:
- Children feel emotionally and physically safe
- Parents are empowered to offer structure without pressure
- Food exploration is guided by curiosity, not coercion
- Trust grows through consistency, empathy, and collaboration
We don’t force. We don’t bribe. We build trust, slowly and steadily. Because children can become competent, flexible eaters—when they feel seen, supported, and understood.
If you’re seeing the early signs, you’re not alone
If your child is already becoming anxious around food, avoiding entire food groups, or reacting strongly to eating in public, it’s not your fault. And there is support available.
Responsive Feeding Therapy helps families move forward together. It’s not just about food—it’s about helping your child feel safe enough to grow.
You can take the first step today:
Book a chat with me here.
References
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Ellis, J. M., Galloway-Atkinson, S., & Lebow, J. (2018). “I’m Just a Picky Eater”: Examining Food Identity in Children with ARFID. Appetite, 127, 287–294.
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Liberman, L. C., Kuo, C., & Thomas, J. J. (2021). The Role of Avoidance in the Maintenance of ARFID Symptoms: A Cognitive-Behavioural Perspective. Current Psychiatry Reports, 23(4), 22.
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Thomas, J. J., & Eddy, K. T. (2019). Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy for Avoidant/Restrictive Food Intake Disorder: Children, Adolescents, and Adults. Cambridge University Press.
